Word Vomit

I’d like to think that I’m a pretty optimistic person…seeing the good side to everything. Yet, while I’m still trying to figure some things out, I tend to look to others and envy their accomplishments rather than appreciating my own. It’s a bad habit of mine, really bad. It has nothing to do with the person, but rather knowing (or hoping) that my day will come, where my passion will meet reality. 

In other news lol, I had a great weekend!! I have to say, with all the weddings this year, the amount of Bridesmaid-zillas have been to a minimal. Thank Goodness! Looking forward to the remaining 10 this year!!

I’ve decided to start a very personal project – one that doesn’t require a lot or any planning, one that won’t lead to me wanting to pull my hair out later - and most importantly, one that one break the bank lol.  It’s going to be titled simply, “a year in the life of…” – might sound like a cliche, but I’d like to think of it as going back to the basics – nothing clever or eye opening, just what it should be at face value.

I was cleaning up my room and pulled out an empty photo album that my co-host gave to me and it just clicked in my head that I needed to fill it in! (thanks co-host for it btw lol!!!)

20 years from now, I want to be able to look back and remember all the little things that I may or will forget. Ever since I left University, I haven’t really busted out my camera and feel like the last two years are a bit of a blur. I really should have started this the day I turned 25, but “woulda, shoulda, coulda” right?  Before my 4 years at MAC were up, I had thousands of photos, capturing every moment and looking back on them, it brings a smile to my face. Now that I’m working and doing something with myself, these are times I want to truly cherish. My nephew who is turning 2 in September is growing up too fast and it’s times like these I don’t ever want to forget.

Over the years, I’ve made a lot of aquaintances and a handful of true friends that I can be myself around. With that said, yesterday was Victor and I’s, what I believe to be 10 years (maybe more) friendship anniversary lol. Ok, so no one really gets this – but years and years ago…Victor and I were chatting and I believe we were trying to figure out when we started being friends, and somehow we threw out an approx. or totally off date of July 7th. So ever since, we just tell people that’s when we met hahaha, yes, it’s prob only funny to us!  Anyway, time and time again, I forget about it, but Victor, always a step ahead puts it into his calendar on his phone and today as we were on the phone, he reminded me.

Soooo HAPPY ANNIVERSARY dude…thank you for being a great friend and I pray that God will continue to bless us for years to come.  Shannon, should you read this, don’t worry, there’s no competition. hahah.

It’s like a bad dream – yet I live it out everyday, the fear of not knowing who I am and where I want to be. I’ve faced and keep facing these challenges because of my need to fill my life with doing things for others to feel accomplished and at the end of the day, I’m still lost. I should have seen this coming and wished I had seen noticed this earlier – but I guess better late than never right?

Last year, I took a mini test that my sister and brother-in-law gave me. It was a personality type thing, one that really struck a chord with me. I found out that I was a type 7, a.k.a the ENTHUSIAST. It was frickin’ scary how BANG ON this test was, here is a little about who I found I am:

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

They approach life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure, like “kids in a candy store” who look at the world in wide-eyed, rapt anticipation of all the good things they are about to experience. They are bold and vivacious, pursuing what they want in life with a cheerful determination. They have a quality best described by the Yiddish word “chutzpah”—a kind of brash “nerviness.”

Ironically, Sevens’ wide-ranging curiosity and ability to learn quickly can also create problems for them. Because they are able to pick up many different skills with relative ease, it becomes more difficult for them to decide what to do with themselves. As a result, they also do not always value their abilities as they would if they had to struggle to gain them. When Sevens are more balanced however, their versatility, curiosity, and ability to learn can lead them to extraordinary achievement.

They do not feel that they know what to do or how to make choices that will be beneficial to themselves and others. Sevens cope with this anxiety in two ways. First, they try to keep their minds busy all of the time. As long as Sevens can keep their minds occupied, especially with projects and positive ideas for the future, they can, to some extent, keep anxiety and negative feelings out of conscious awareness. Likewise, since their thinking is stimulated by activity, Sevens are compelled to stay on the go, moving from one experience to the next, searching for more stimulation. This is not to say that Sevens are “spinning their wheels.” They generally enjoy being practical and getting things done.

Second, Sevens cope with the loss of Essential guidance by using the “trial and error” method: they try everything to make sure they know what is best. On a very deep level, Sevens do not feel that they can find what they really want in life. They therefore tend to try everything—and ultimately may even resort to anything as a substitute for what they are really looking for. (“If I can’t have what will really satisfy me, I’ll enjoy myself anyway. I’ll have all kinds of experiences—that way I will not feel bad about not getting what I really want.”)

Furthermore, as Sevens speed up their pursuit of whatever seems to offer freedom and satisfaction, they tend to make worse choices, and they are less able to be satisfied because everything is experienced indirectly, through the dense filter of their fast-paced mental activity. The result is that Sevens end up anxious, frustrated, and enraged, with fewer resources available to them physically, emotionally, or financially. They may end up ruining their health, their relationships, and their finances in their search for happiness.

There is so much more to this, but you get the gist of it all. I allow people to tell me what I’m good at, what will be stressful for me, what will make me happy – when at the end of the day, I lose my zest thinking about how my deisions in life will make them feel. I know what I am good and for some reason, I can be made to doubt that. 

I’ve come pretty far this past year and though these thoughts still linger, I have to believe that I will make it over the hurdle.  

In recent months, actually years,  I’ve been challenged by many friends and family members to take my business up a notch – which resulted in teaching my first workshop and contributed to a lookbook for a friend of mine. This week, a new step has been taken – I’m finally taking a course to boost up my creditbility and skill set. I swore to myself that I didn’t want to take a course for the simple fact that I didn’t want to lose my raw skill – however, this will be teaching me everything I have always wanted to learn, but did not get to so it all works out.

So, what does this all mean? Well, should I pass with flying colors by Friday, I could very well be working with people in the magazine industry and/or models and celebs. Scary thought.  LOL….some of you might be wondering what the heck I’m talking about – just ask It’s just a general rule of mine that I don’t get into the nitty, gritty stuff on my blog.

The thing is, I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of pressure. I want to trust this is where I want to go and yet a part of me feels the anxieties building up.

 Long week ahead – nervous but exhilarating.

I have been thinking a lot about this statement – the idea that when it comes to relationships, there are those who are and play the rule and those who follow the exception. Yes, there are definitely those “nice guys” who finish last – while I’ve heard stories of women turning their “bad boy” boyfriend into everything she wanted. So my question is – is there ever really a balance? Can one follow the rule and become the exception or does the exception only exist by breaking the rule?

“Just because you can carry 10lbs on your back, doesn’t mean you ALWAYS have to carry 10lbs, you can carry 5lbs.” – mom with regards to juggling too many things in life all at once and the need to just slow down. what a smart woman she is.

I’m not even sure where to begin describing this year’s SWAP. On one hand, I know we did a great thing for the organization, and on the other, it was a logistical nightmare, which really put me in a state of shock that night. When it comes to planning and coordinating any type of event, it’s my goal to make sure everything is in order and that everyone is having a great time.  This year, however, I felt like I lost that touch. Don’t get me wrong, all the prep work beforehand went quite smoothly and I was definitely more organized in many respects, but I just don’t know what happened on Saturday. In any case, I need to let go and not focus on all the negative things that happened, but to be grateful that I had reliable friends there to support me through it. Thank guys.

With just 6 days till the big event, the weather is not looking so hot – actually, it WILL be hot, very hot in fact…but rain is to come with it – making it another MUGGY event. I’ve been scrambling all day to find alternatives and secure some sort of back plan should Mother Nature decide to do this again to us. Last year, it stopped at just the right time - but it was definitely humid, and it looks like history will be repeating itself.

I want to believe and have faith the weather will change for the better towards the end of the week – BUT this is starting to really put a damper (pardon the pun) on planning. It’s also the same weekend as the big Dragon Boat festival, so I know people who are attending or participating are in the same boat and wishing, praying for Old Man Rain to just hold off. Of course, with my luck, it’s beautiful Friday and Sunday. Bah.

I know there’s a rain dance, but is there one for the opposite?? lol.  Oh well, the show must go on right? Back to planning like there’s nothing to worry about…!

BTW, I have the BEST “non-models” ever. The shows are going to rock!

It’s been a long time coming, but yesterday I had a very important (possibly life changing) interview and well, it went off without a hitch. Though I don’t know where this is all going to take me – I left feeling empowered oddly enough. I don’t really want to talk about too much in case I jinx it…but I’m taking a deep breath in and waiting till Monday for phase two of this whole ordeal. If I don’t get it – that would really “blo.” lol.

This weekend is going to be kind of insane – with SWAP coming up, there’s still a lot to be done and clothes are still coming in left, right and center. It amazes me how many people have become involved just after one year and I am glad it’s starting to catch fire.  I’m PRAYING for good weather!!!

I just need to get this off my chest:

Dear H,

With everything that happened in the past two months, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed about what you did. However, having taken some time to think things through - I realize I have nothing to be mad about. I’m not the one who has to sleep at night knowing I went behind someone else’s back just to get ahead and not to mention, spew out lies to make people feel sorry for you. It all makes sense now – why you complain about your ”true friends” and all the dysfuntional relationships in your life - you bring it on yourself.  Hey, I’m telling it as it is, just as I should have before. In any case, what’s done is done and it’s time to move on. This is my way of officially closing that chapter in my life and learning from it. Just take a look in the mirror…

BANG! Over and done.